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Because maybe you do care what I had for lunch...

Thursday, February 09, 2006

My first "I love you, Mommy"


Who cares what I made for dinner tonight. For one thing, it was frozen. For another, just before I put Jasper to bed tonight he wrapped his arms around me and said, "I love you, Mommy." And that is so much more delicious than anything I could create in the kitchen. Besides the thrilling, heart-stopping gratification of this great moment there is also its developmental significance. Jasper has learned how to verbally express an emotion!

Someday he'll learn what a risky thing it is to tell someone you love them. But while he is so young I hope I can teach him an emotional vocabulary and instill the confidence he will need to keep expressing himself freely.

I hope I can maintain his trust as well. Today we had lunch in the city with some former colleagues of mine. With their help I managed to distract him the first time he clamored to nurse. But towards the end he demanded to nurse again and I gave in because I just wanted to him to quiet down so I could keep talking with the grownups, for crying out loud. "I'm a loser," I lamented to my friends. "No Mommy, you're not a loser," Jasper said. Of course you don't think so, I thought, you're getting what you want!

One of my friends nursed her daughter until she was two months shy of her third birthday. "Do it sooner than later. It just gets harder," she said. And I began to wonder if Jasper trusts me enough to believe that if I stop nursing him he'll still be all right. I don't know if I even believe that he'll be all right if I wean him now. Every kid I know under three seems to need to suck something, a pacifier or a bottle. Jasper never took to pacifiers and we put the bottles away when he turned one. So that leaves me. Maybe I'm not ready to stop nursing. When my friend asked, teasingly, if I've become addicted to nursing I mumbled something along the lines of, "ah, um, heh heh, what?"


We left lunch and, since we were one block away, went to Kalustyans. I went mad grabbing exotic rice and spices, completely without strategy. When we got home I decided to have their home-made frozen vegetable samosas and fenugreek dahl flatbread. Rather than deep frying the samosas I dipped them in vegetable oil and baked them for an hour. They turned out crisp, as did the flatbread. I only wish I'd had the presence of mind to buy some chutneys while I was at Kalustyans for dipping. I made do with some leftover hoisin sauce, with was fine.


For dessert we nibbled at a few pieces of Indian coconut sweets I got a few doors down from Kalustyans. It's so rich and sweet, not to mention the pink coconut mochi mochi squeaks when you chew it. I could only have a couple bites. Jasper's valentine was dessert enough for me.

1 comment:

shaunamama said...

You are so right...that moment when they first tell you they love you is absolutely unforgettable. I'll never forget the first time either of my children said those words to me. It was enough to send tears streaking down my cheeks. My kids have always been very free with their emotions and for that, I'm grateful.

The weaning is difficult for both mother and child....especially mother. The child does forget, believe it or not, that they ever nursed. My daughter asked me one time if she nursed and after I gave her my answer, she said,"Eww. I can't believe it." They forget about nursing and then move onto other things to comfort them....like my son's obsession with Spiderman. He hasn't slept a night without his webslinging friend since he was two.


The Indian coconut sweets look very tasty. We plan to come to New York sometime... I can't wait to go shopping at some of the places you've mentioned...I've made a list.