Food Buzz

Because maybe you do care what I had for lunch...

Monday, February 26, 2007

Nicole and Naomi's dinner party

Did anyone else catch that little red carpet exchange with Nicole Kidman and Naomi Watts? "What do you two do when you hang out?" "Oh, we cook, and eat, and talk." And did anyone else think, oh really....

Naomi, handing Nicole a glass of iced green tea: Nicole! Come on in, I'm so glad you came!
Nicole, bending over to give Naomi a greeting kiss: Hi ya, babe! You look fantastic.
Naomi: Thanks, and you're phenomenal!
Nicole: No, I've been so depressed with Keith in rehab. I haven't eaten a thing in weeks.
Naomi: No wonder you look so great. Let's do something about that. I bought food. Shall we be bad and cook?
Nicole: Oh yes!

Peals of laughter as they enter the kitchen.

Namoi: So I'm making this dish my chef taught me. It's so good! Its salmon. You have the fish place cut off all the skin and then you poach it. Could you pass me that bottle of water?
Nicole: This one?
Namoi: No, that's for steaming veggies. The one in the blue bottle.
Nicole: This one?
Naomi: No, that's for washing my hair. Why'd Guadalupe put that in the kitchen? Yeah, the one on the other side. Actually, hand me the veggie one, too. I'm steaming some watercress. Then I drizzle a little low-sodium soy sauce and lemon juice over them both. Delish!
Nicole: You know what would be fantastic? Sprinkle some sesame seeds over them.
Naomi: Oooo, sesame seeds have oil, don't they?
Nicole: Yes, but if they're untoasted they're OK. My nutritionist green-lighted them for me.
Naomi: Super! Now I'll add some buckwheat soba noodles--
Nicole: Carbs???
Naomi: Oh, it's OK to eat carbs now as long as you keep your serving under a tablespoon.
Nicole wipes sweat from brow.

Later after dinner...
Nicole: I-- I brought something kind of dangerous.
Naomi: Vitamin K?
Nicole: No! Nomi, we're totally on the wagon now. Or is it off? Well anyway, I brought these. (Nicole pulls a box of Michel Cluizel chocolates from her voluminous Hermes bag)
Naomi gasps: You kept the box from your Oscars swag? (She starts panting and her pupils dilate.) Give me those!
Nicole: Wait, Nomi! We're supposed to savor them one at a time!
Naomi: NGREEEERAGHHH (She grabs Nicole by the hair, smashes her head on the table, and starts stuffing truffles into her mouth.)
Nicole: No! They're MINE! (She pushes Naomi's face away and starts cramming chocolates into her own mouth.)

Thirty minutes later...

Television anchor: Nicole Kidman and Naomi Watts were hospitalized this evening after an altercation over a box of chocolates. Both sustained injuries, but more seriously, both were hallucinating from the chocolate and sugar shock. Spokesmen for both women say they hadn't had chocolate for over ten years. Neither women is pressing charges. Details at 11.


anonymous said...

I'm so laughing here! That was hilarious. Great post and sooo, soooo true. I can just imagine everything you say is what actually DID happen,it's all so phoney isn't it? I think I even noticed a look of surprise on Nicole's face when Naomi mentioned her pregnancy.

Glad you returned to the "real" world and will post randomly again.

laurie said...

ha! hilarious!

Lindsey said...

Adriana, you are so funny. When I first read this a few days ago, I laughed to hard. I am still laughing. The chocolate part especially.

Luisa Perkins said...

Thanks for a great laugh!

ariane said...

This reminds me of an article i read several years ago. JLo and Ben Affleck were engaged, living together in Toronto while one of them worked on a film. They invited an entertainment reporter over and J cooked Spanish rice and chicken, claimed she cleaned their house herself and helped Ben pick his clothes. Ben, meanwhile, was parked on the couch in front of the television.

I kind of love the choreography of these celebrity scenarios--yes, Bennifer was just like my brother and his wife in Memphis, only more so. And Naomi and Nicole are just like us! Cooking, talking, sometimes shopping! Woo hoo! (by us, of course, i mean the generic us, not any specific me and you, hehe ;-)