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Monday, May 12, 2008

How to do mother's day

Many women hate mother's day. I think we all pretty much know why. The holiday is often turned into a celebration of self-sacrifice and perfection, two of my least favorite things. In fact, the holiday seems worst for the mothers themselves, who are either demoralized by the martyr worship or disappointed by their family's ability to provide her with a true day of rest.

But it doesn't have to be this way. Herewith, I give you the magic steps to a happy mother's day.*

1. Try to have only one child. You only need one to qualify -- much more than that will be an awful lot of work.
2. Make certain your husband can cook well.
3. Make it known ahead of time that mother's day means "my day off."
4. Avoid going to church, where they really love to lay the martyr trip on thick.
5. Make sure there are tasty leftovers in the kitchen just in case.
6. Be a diva. Make people cook you what YOU want to eat. Make the family do what YOU want to do. Or, better yet, go off on your own.
7. Make sure someone has procured a hand-made card and some flowers for your one child to present to you.
8. If the one child you have needs attention, point him in the direction of his father.
9. Be sure to use the phrase, "but it's mother's day!" as often as possible -- at least 10 times.
10. At the end of the day be sure to say thank you -- even though everyone knows you had all of this coming to you.

Another approach some mothers I know take is to pretend the day doesn't exist at all. That will work if you're also the kind of person who pretends your birthday and anniversary do not exist, either.

*These tips are directed to mothers who are partnered with men. If you are partnered with another woman, mother's day could happen on two consecutive Sundays. If you are not a mother, just have some patience and the day will be over soon enough.


hippittee said...

like minded we are...hope your mother's day was well enjoyed!

Sue said...

Fantastic tips! I agree that a successful Mother's Day takes a lot of advance planning (on the mother's part).